THE THINKING EYE

All men should strive to learn before they die, what they are running from, and to, and why.

Overview

For the last 8 months, I’ve dedicated myself in learning cybersecurity. Though I can’t say that I’m very exceptional with it but we will get to this point later. There are lots of ups and down, that I can’t publicly share, but I can tell that it affects me mentally. Lots of realization and reflection, leaving me to question if I should continue this. Then my mind began to wonder off, ringing the possibilities of greatness that awaits me, sparking the curiosity of what mark I can leave. It was then that I made the decision to become a security researcher.

My life choices may seem unconventional to others, but to me, they’re worth every bit. Only few people take this path, the brave ones striving to contribute in the future of technology. This is one of the biggest risk I’m taking in life, it’s very challenging, hard, and intellectually exhausting. My views on world changed so much, that I’ve develop a toxic relationship with time. Eight hours each day dedicated to studying, building, and experimenting with my projects that I even created a personal standard for myself that no matter what, I will learn better than yesterday.

To become the best, I’m taking one of the most elusive paths in cybersecurity, studying the best of both worlds of web 2 and web 3. It never fails me how amazing the community is, the way they ship technology, discovering bugs and the general idea of it. This leads me to this question, “How can I be one of the them?“.

Loose ends

I have this fear of failing, like really bad. Life’s mistakes, witnessed and learned from, weigh heavily on me. It hinders me so much that it prevents me from doing what I want. The tendency to overthink the worst-case scenarios and strategize for prevention often ends in disappointment. I tried denying this fear, but a question from my mentor on iOS development once asked me, “What do you fear?”

This question echoes in my head, and I tried to understand it for months.

Now I understand.

It’s the fear of people’s perceptions.

What they think about me won’t matter, the only thing that matters is doing what I want.

Being Open

This time I want to be more open, I want to share my learnings (e.g., cryptography, zero knowledge and rust) and, hopefully the projects i aim to complete by year-end. If not, I will make better projects in 2024. I also want to treat this as a measure if I’m growing and having progress on things I do. Lastly, I want to share my wins or achievement, as I’ve often kept them in the dark.

Final

Writing this wasn’t easy for me but I need to do it, because I’m doing this for myself. This time, I’m committed to give everything I got. I also want to extend my gratitude to those people who supported and contributed significantly to my life. First and foremost, my uncle Ram, who supports my studies, made it possible for me to learn cybersecurity and is remarkably understanding. Lastly, Michie, to whom I owe everything. She is the reason why I’m so deep with technology, the curiosity and hope she put in me is insane, without her I’m still aimlessly searching for my path. But until then, just watch me do this, the act of creating myself.